The statistics on the sexual abuse of children are staggering. In India, a child is sexually abused every 15 minutes, according to the The National Crime Records Bureau (2017 Report). But experts and activists say that the real number of cases could be much higher, since there is lack of awareness and topic being a taboo among majority of population.
MYTH #1
Child sexual abuse occurs only among strangers (If kids stay away from strangers they are safe)
FACT
Over 90% of abusers are people known to children like relatives, neighbours, and teachers
MYTH #2
Sex abuse victims are only girls
FACT
Percentage of boys abused is 52.94%
In light of these scary statistics, what can we, as parents and responsible community members, do to ensure that our
children are protected, informed and safe? These four key points are
crucial:
1.
Education: Learn
how to protect your child
from sexual abuse by educating them in Body Safety, and educating
yourself and your community.
2.
Awareness: Become
aware of the statistics surrounding child sexual abuse and 'grooming' techniques used by pedophiles.
3.
Know the Signs: Understand
and recognize the signs of child sexual abuse.
4.
Believe a Child: Believe
a child when they disclosure sexual abuse—it is paramount for their
future recovery and healing.
1. Education
Teaching
Your Child Body Safety
The
most vulnerable age for children to be exposed to sexual abuse is
between 3 and 8 years with the majority of onset happening between
these ages.
We teach road safety and we teach water safety—it is also crucial that we teach them about Body Safety. If you are concerned about teaching your
child these skills, just keep in mind they are age-appropriate,
non-graphic, and they also encourage your child to be assertive—a
crucial skill in any bullying situation.
- Teach your child that their ‘private parts’ are the body parts that go under their swimsuit. Note: a child’s mouth is also known as a ‘private zone’. This is their Body Boundary which nobody is allowed to breach. Discuss with your child when it is appropriate for someone to touch their private parts, e.g. when parents are bathing or dressing them, or a doctor when they are sick (but making sure they know you must be in the room).
- Teach your child that no-one has the right to touch or see their private parts, and if someone does, they must tell you or a trusted adult straightaway. As your child becomes older (3+) help them to identify five trusted adults they could tell. These people are part of their ‘safety network’. Discuss with your child that if someone does touch their private parts (without you there) that they have the right to say: ‘No!. Children, from a very young age, need to know their body is their body and no-one has the right to touch it inappropriately.
- Teach your child that if someone asks them to touch their own private parts, shows their private parts to the child or shows them images of private parts that this is wrong also, and that they must tell a trusted adult straight away.
- At the same time as you are discussing inappropriate touch, talk about feelings. Discuss what it feels like to be happy, sad, angry, excited, etc. Encourage your child in daily activities to talk about their feelings, e.g. ‘I felt really sad when … pushed me over.’ This way your child will be more able to verbalize how they are feeling if some-one does touch them inappropriately.
- Talk with your child about feeling ‘safe’ and ‘unsafe’ and good touch and bad touch. Discuss times when your child might feel ‘unsafe’, e.g. being pushed down a steep slide; or ‘safe’, e.g. snuggled up on the couch reading a book with you. Children need to understand the different emotions that come with feeling ‘safe’ and ‘unsafe’. For example, when feeling ‘safe’, they may feel happy and have a warm feeling inside; when feeling ‘unsafe’ they may feel scared and have a sick feeling in their tummy.
- Discuss with your child their ‘early warning signs’ when feeling unsafe, i.e. heart racing, feeling sick in the tummy, sweaty palms, feeling like crying. Let them come up with some ideas of their own. Tell your child that they must tell you if any of their ‘early warning signs’ happen in any situation.
- As your child grows, try as much as possible to discourage the keeping of secrets. Talk about happy surprises such as not telling Granny about her surprise birthday party and ‘bad’ secrets such as someone touching your private parts. Make sure your child knows that if someone asks them to keep a secret, they must tell you or someone in their ‘safety network’. Remind them of this especially before camps, sleepovers, etc.
Here is a good video on how to talk to kids regarding being safe: How to Talk with Kids About Sexual Abuse
It is also important to remember that sexual abuse prevention is not only a parent’s responsibly, it is also the community’s responsibility. Ask your child’s school if they are running such a program. If they are not, ask why not. Remind them that sexual abuse is irreversible but it can be preventable through awareness.
It is also important to remember that sexual abuse prevention is not only a parent’s responsibly, it is also the community’s responsibility. Ask your child’s school if they are running such a program. If they are not, ask why not. Remind them that sexual abuse is irreversible but it can be preventable through awareness.
2. Awareness
Statistics
tell us that well over 90% of sexually abused children know their abuser.
They are an immediate family member, a close family friend or
some-one the child has regular contact with.
Grooming
- Be aware of any person who wishes to spend a great deal of time with your child, seeking out their company and offering to take care of them at any time. This is the persona a pedophile will go to great lengths to establish.
- Be aware of any person who pays special attention to your child, making them feel more special than any other child; providing them with special treats, presents, sweets, etc. These ‘treats’ may be provided without your knowledge, and be the first of your child’s secrets they are being groomed to keep.
- Be aware of any person who spends a large percentage of their out-of-hours recreation time with children—often without other adults present or preferring to be ‘alone’ with the children.
In
saying the above, of course we want our children to spend quality and
loving time with the special adults in their lives. However, it is
important we stay alert.
Important
Things to Know About Pedophiles
- Pedophiles can be any person in the community and from any social democratic. They can be single, married and have families of their own. Up to 95% of child sexual abusers are male.
- 1/3 of reported offenses are committed by adolescents and increasingly a child can be abused by another child slightly older than themselves.
- Pedophiles plan their abuse in detail—grooming both the victim and their family by portraying the persona of a friendly, helpful and reliable person.
- Pedophiles will actively encourage the targeted child to keep secrets. The secret at first may not be of a sexual nature. These ‘fun’ secrets are intended to build up a sense that the abuser and the child have a ‘special’ relationship.
- Pedophiles convince the victim that the abuse is normal and love-based. They will use 'guilt’ and ‘blaming’ techniques to coerce the child into believing that they are an equal participant in the ‘shameful’ secret, and therefore are equally too blame. The child can be so ‘guilt ridden’ they may never disclose.
- Pedophiles use threats and bribes to ensure the child keeps the secret. ‘Keeping the secret’ is of extreme importance to the offender. Therefore, they will use whatever means they can to ensure the child never tells. This includes subtly discrediting the child by making them out to be a liar—so if they ever do disclose, they won’t be believed.
3. Be vigilant
Note:
one or more of these indicators does not mean your child is being
sexually abused, but if they do show some of these indicators, then
there is good reason to investigate further.
General
Signs of Sexual Abuse (0 to 12 years):
- overly interested in theirs or other’s genitals, continually wants to touch private parts of other children
- sexualized play with dolls or toys, involving forced penetration of objects vaginally or anally
- persistent use of ‘dirty’ words
- describing sexual acts and sexualized behavior beyond their years, drawings and/or games that involve inappropriate sexual activities
- sores around the mouth, persistent pain or bruising/bleeding in genital area; bruising to chest, bottom, lower abdomen or thighs
- withdrawn and anxious behavior (irritable, clingy, listless)
- secretive or say they have a ‘special’ secret that can’t tell (this may be to gauge your reaction)
- going to bed fully clothed, increase in nightmares and sleep disturbances,
- regressive behavior, e.g. a return to bed-wetting or soiling
- sudden changes in behavior, e.g. from a happy child to an angry and/or defiant child
- appetite changes (sudden and significant)
- not wanting to go to a certain person’s place or to an activity
In Older Children (Adolescents):
Note:
they may also display some of the above indicators
- self-destructive behavior such as drug dependency, suicide attempts, self-mutilation, withdrawn, angry
- eating disorders
- unexplained accumulation of money and gifts
- persistent running away from home and/or refusal to attend school
- saying that their body is dirty, ruin, damaged
- pornography interest; verbally sexually aggressive obscenities
4. Believe a Child
In
98% of reported child sexual abuse cases, children’s statements
were found to be true (NSW
Child Protection Council, 1998).
Our reaction to a child’s disclosure is crucial to their ongoing
well-being and healing. It we react with disbelief, they may never
tell again and their suffering will only increase.
They will, no doubt, have been threatened with horrific consequences were they to tell. What a child needs more than anything from the person they disclose to—be it a parent, relative, teacher or friend—is compassionate reassurance.
Therefore, stay calm and:
They will, no doubt, have been threatened with horrific consequences were they to tell. What a child needs more than anything from the person they disclose to—be it a parent, relative, teacher or friend—is compassionate reassurance.
Therefore, stay calm and:
- reassure the child you believe them, and that they have done the right thing in telling, reassure them that they are incredibly brave and courageous
- reassure the child that they are in NO way to blame, reassure them that they are loved, and they are safe, reassure the child that you will do everything you can to stop the abuse.
It
is our responsibility and duty of care to the child, to remain calm
as well as receptive and compassionate, once the child begins to
disclose. If they disclose in a group, take the child aside and
find a safe place for them to continue.
A disclosure from any sexual
abuse victim takes an enormous amount of courage—so please, as the
trusted recipient, respond to such bravery with kindness and
compassion.
Please do report the authorities regarding the abuse so that they do not get an opportunity to spoil any more young lives. Until 2012, there was no appropriate legal framework in India which deals with child sexual abuse. Earlier sex crimes against children were protected by section 354 (Outraging the modesty of a woman), 375 (Rape), 377 (Unnatural offences), 509 of Indian Penal Code, 1860.
But since the Protection of Children from Sexual Offences (POCSO) Act, 2012 came into use, the Indian laws have a separate provision for child abuse. Not only the POSCO Act is gender neutral, under it, the consent of the child is immaterial; hence making it a stronger law.
Call National Sexual Assault Helpline: 800.656.HOPE (4673) if you suspect a child is bring sexually abused in your community.
But since the Protection of Children from Sexual Offences (POCSO) Act, 2012 came into use, the Indian laws have a separate provision for child abuse. Not only the POSCO Act is gender neutral, under it, the consent of the child is immaterial; hence making it a stronger law.
Call National Sexual Assault Helpline: 800.656.HOPE (4673) if you suspect a child is bring sexually abused in your community.
List
of some Indian NGOs working for children with sexual abuse:
