A poem describing symptoms of Depression
Struggling with depression again.
Yet again.
Feeling the darkness closing in.
Making me numb, making me exhausted.
How long can I continue to try, or have I already given up, but only pretending that I am trying.
Why even bother to put on a show. And for whom.
My kids, my smile. Yes they hold me back.
My drive to try to fight yet another time?
But how long before I give in to the temptation to give up.
How long before I crumble under this weight.
Who knows.
What will they think about me, what will they say about me.
Shaped my entire life based on this ideology.
Now in last moments of my life...
Will I die too, wondering what will they think about me, what will they say about me.
My family, my relatives, the strange, unknown faces, unheard of talks.
My brain - so powerful yet so fragile.
So many dreams, aspirations, smiles, tears, hopes will bite the dust at last.
The day that will be my last.
Pointless suffering.
Endless suffering.
Teary seconds roll into futile minutes. The dark hours roll into black days, but the pain increases still.
The doubts creep back.
What is the meaning, what is the purpose.
Nobody can fathom that.
Addicted to this pain, I sink deeper.
Why do I suffer...
Bad genes?
Past karma?
Who knows.
Lost goals, unheard cries, nothing to be proud of.
Nothing much.
Perhaps, yet another headline in the newspapers tomorrow.
Yet another dead and wilted purple flower, crumpled, ignored, forgotten, useless.
Not desirable or lovable anymore.
Not fit to be in a bouquet, but to be discarded like a weed.
Well, can you save me?
Who knows.
Who knows.
