Understanding Suicide

Understanding Suicide

Nobody tries to understand the pain of a mental health issue. 

Why do I say that? 

Consider for one moment that if I have a fractured bone, I will have the sympathy from all the family members and friends even if they have never experienced that physical pain of a broken bone themselves.

Similarly, if my friends or family will hear of me having cancer or a heart attack, I will have the support and sympathy of all, even though many people now know that our toxic lifestyle choices cause these illnesses in the body. Yet I will not be judged, at least not on my face.

But now consider that if they were to hear of me suffering from Depression or Anxiety, they will immediately begin to attack the victim in various ways! 

- "Why do you think you have depression?" 

- "What is wrong with your life?' 

- "You have everything going in your favour, yet you say you have depression?" 

- "How can you be depressed when life is so beautiful!??" 

Do they ever ask an asthma patient why they can’t breathe even as there is oxygen all around us? 

The bitter truth is we; the patients of mental health illnesses are extremely lonely. Society doesn’t bother to educate themselves on such issues, and hence, we are shamed, we are ridiculed, we are judged mercilessly - we are often driven to the point of suicide. 

Do you know why depressed individuals end up killing themselves? 

Not just because of their illness, but mostly because they lose hope in getting any regard, any support, any help from their own families and friends. 

They get tired of waiting for even one single person to show up with any support or understanding.

 

You cannot imagine the loneliness one feels at such a point. 

We are indeed social animals, we need emotional support and love from those around us. 

But mental health patients hardly ever receive that, isn’t it a wonder then, why so many keep suffering but don’t end their lives? 

It is indeed a surprise to me, to see them chose to suffer rather than just end their miserable, lonely lives; yes, isn't it a surprising why I chose to keep suffering, year after year, decade after decade?

 

Perhaps I go on living for the sake of my parents or siblings or children but why should I not choose to end this loneliness? 

Why don’t I have the right to end it and stop this suffering which nobody but me can understand? 

The hand which was dealt to me in this lifetime seems too much for my bearing capability. 

I have suffered for more than two decades and I’m losing patience now. If only the society understood our pain, they wouldn’t have opposed euthanasia for those suffering from chronic mental health issues.

 

If I lose my patience and choose to end my suffering, those who claim to love me would judge me after I am gone. 

But do they have the right to do so, if they couldn’t provide basic emotional support to me while I lived a miserably lonely life?

Book Review - Look Within; Internal Motivation For Success

This book is a refreshing read for people looking for self-growth. It can be especially helpful for educators, parents, students, coaches, managers, who are looking to motivate others to reach their optimal potential. The author delves deep into the aspects of intrinsic and extrinsic motivation, which is an extremely relevant topic in today's fast-paced world, and he does so in a language which will resonate with the target audience. This topic certainly needs to be explored more and brought to public narrative because understanding the psychology of extrinsic and intrinsic motivation will help us harness the power within ourselves to stay focussed for our goals and reach success. The author Mr. Vishwanathan Ramachandran explains various influential theories on motivation in the field of psychology such as Self Determination Theory, The Attribution Theory, and The Flow Theory among others. His explanation is clear and he strives to write in a way which even a teenager would find the topic comprehensible. Whether you are a teacher - looking to motivate your students, or a parent - trying to look for more constructive ways of motivating your children, or a manager wishing to help your employees reach their optimal performance levels, or an individual or student - simply working towards a life of reaching your goals more effectively, this book will surely prove a useful guide for you. It will equip you with both knowledge, and practical tools to help you attain success the way you define it. The format of the book is engaging, it has fourteen chapters written in a stimulating manner and you might find it hard to put the book down until you have finished reading it.

Book Review: Look Within; Internal Motivation For Success by Vishwanathan Ramachandran

Soil Tilling - Benefits

This is a blog post about the benefits of regular tilling and turning over of the soil to maintain healthy houseplants.

In order to get sufficient nutrition from the soil, the roots need to penetrate deeper. This can only happen when the soil is turned free and loose.

This facilitates water and fertilizer absorption in roots.

Moreover, the roots can breathe easily in loose soil because tilling adds oxygen in it.

Useful microbes also grow well in such oxygen-rich soil.

Regular tilling also prevents building up of compacted soil and clay lumps which can choke even the most sturdy of houseplants.

Soil clumps and compact soil prevent nutrients and water absorption

So every time you want to put fertilizer in your potted plants, first till the soil.

You can use a small hand trowel or a garden tiller for this purpose. 

I simply use a screwdriver (mostly because I have been lazy in ordering the proper gardening tools and I use whatever I find convenient).

Do not forget to clean the tool thoroughly with alcohol cotton swab (to avoid infection in plant/soil) before and after tilling.

In potted plants, the roots can be quite near the surface, so please be gentle when using the tool. 

Try not to rush it or one might cut or injure the roots. Remove all the weeds and stones and break the hard soil clumps for healthy plans in your pot.

Happy Tilling! 

Agony

You get hurt badly, but don't know how to do basic first aid. You have seen everyone ignore cuts and bruises like these, so you ignore it too, thinking it would heal on its own.

Maybe if you ignore it, or distract yourself, it will go away on its own.

But it doesn't. Instead, it becomes worse, it gets infected. The pain becomes intense.

You take courage to tell your friends or close ones that it is hurting a lot, but they tell you to be positive. Have courage, it will be fine, just keep yourself busy. They tell you - maybe you think about the pain too much just because you have nothing interesting in your life.

So you try to keep yourself even more busy. Even when the constant pain makes you feel weak and low in energy, you try to stay optimistic. You cant sleep due to the pain, but you force yourself to carry on.
You think that's how every brave person handles their pain, and you are a fighter too.

So instead of getting medical help, you carry on, you ignore the pain, you 'just keep swimming' like Dory.

But soon no matter what you do, the wound and its torment is getting worse. Your appetite, sleep, mood, libido, concentration, everything is shadowed by it.

Everyday, you try to get up to carry on with your routine - some days you can, while other days you can't even get out of the bed.

Everyone asks you why aren't you regular at school/college/office/parties etc anymore.
When you try to communicate the intensity of your pain, they again tell you to be strong.
You feel the sarcasm in their tone and you feel humiliated since can't be strong enough.

And yet,  you tell yourself I will be fine one day.

But eventually it doesn't become fine.
It comes to a point where you are absolutely debilitated from the pain.

You are profusely bleeding from the wound, which has now turned into a deep gash in your heart.

Soon, you see blood everywhere around you.

You are sick with gut-wrenching pain, you aren't able to move, you can't breathe.

You start weeping in sheer agony.

You panic because you don't know why this is even happening to you.

You wonder if you will get better again.

First you are crying in silence because you know they won't understand even if you share with them.

But you can't bear the pain, so you cry for help. You implore somebody to help you, to at least help you to get up.

Your friends, your family, if and when they look at you - they see you sitting on floor in pain, but they do not see the blood. They do not notice the deep gash.

Some ignore you, others try to help you by telling you - get up, you can do it, don't be a baby, it isn't that difficult. We have been telling you for so long, why are you so sensitive?
Everyone has a life which is full of problems. You just have to learn to look at the bright side, look at the big picture.
We also got up when we bumped ourselves, we also got up on our own when we fell down, and so can you!

You try to tell them that you can't get up, even though you are trying your best.

They pity you since you can't get up on your own.

You are sick with the sight of blood and the excruciating pain isn't allowing you to even move.
But they keep trying to motivate you to push yourself more.

You feel guilt, you try more and more to ignore the wound and the bloody mess which you are in, so that you can prove to your loved ones that you aren't weak.

But the bleeding has taken a toll on your senses, it clouds your vision, it makes you fumble and you realize you can't move at all.

Eventually, you give up. And the ugly lies of Depression take over:
You feel like a failure, you think you deserve to die because nobody understands you, nobody can help you.
You are a burden on everyone, you cant do what everyone else can do - you are a disgrace to your parents and those who love you.
Nobody even knows how to help you since they have no clue what you are going through.
Everybody will be better off without you. Nobody deserves to be around so much negativity and it is best to end your life.

You feel alone.

Now you don't even feel the pain just a dull ache in your heart.

You feel numb with hopelessness and loneliness.

You decide you will just stab your wound to make a quick kill. 

To save yourself from further pointless suffering.
Just like you would put down a suffering dog from his misery.

Nobody can help you.

Nobody knows how to.

Fuck! Nobody even knows how much you bled.

They might never see the blood even after you die.

They will judge you even after you are dead.
Oh! She was so rich, so talented, so popular, so good-looking, so loved by her family/friends! Why did she have to kill herself!! Couldn't even recover from a minor setback, and we thought she was stronger than that.
What a waste. She should have at least thought about her parents/children!! How will they bear such a terrible loss!

But the true extent of your pain, the real nature of your wound, the amount of blood you lost, the way you felt helpless in trying to get help - will remain invisible to them.

-----

This is what describes a mental illness and how it leads to suicide.

-----

Too many people go through this, if not worse, when they suffer from a mental illness.

The guilt, the loneliness, the hopelessness, the intense psychological trauma, the humiliation they go through! You won't even wish it for your enemies if only you knew how they suffer mentally.

The invisible illness is taking its toll on too many bright, talented and strong people.

Depression is a disorder/disease - not a decision

We need first aid and emergency treatment training for mental health too. There is simply no time to lose.

I implore all my fellow psychology students to spread the word, and I request my friends to read up about common mental health diseases such as Depression, Anxiety, OCD among others.

If anyone wishes to learn about the biological aspect of Depression, I would recommend this lecture which  explains the way changes in the brain of a Depression patient effects his/her sleep pattern, energy levels, mood, libido, and appetite, thus making even the daily mundane tasks difficult to complete.

This lecture was given by Dr. Robert Sapolsky, the renowned neuro-endocrinologist and author who is currently a professor of biology, neurosurgery, neurology and neurological sciences at Stanford University.

Link of the lecture:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOAgplgTxfc

Time to talk about Depression

Yet another man becomes the victim of Depression. Yet another precious life lost!

Yet another coverage blunder from the media.

It is pathetic to see media talking about late Sushant Singh Rajput's successful career, how much money/fame he earned etc. as if they understand nothing about Depression and mental health issues.

There are too many misconceptions about Depression in our society.

Just because someone is successful, rich, famous DOES NOT mean s/he is immune to mental health issues.


Depression is a not an illness which only effects a person when s/he is facing major issues in life, it occurs due to complex interplay of genetic, biological and environmental factors.

While it is true that adversity, financial losses, relationship issues etc. might trigger the onset of Depression but inherent natural tendencies, mental conditioning, biological factors too play a part in the severity of this illness.

A depressed individual needs a holistic treatment plan - therapy/counseling, dietary changes, support and love among other things.


To simply say why don't you look at the bright side, why don't you think about the positive in your life, is like saying to an asthmatic person - hey why can't you breathe, there is so much air! Or to expect a person with fractured leg to walk.


This illness is invisible but as real as any other fatal/life-threatening disease.
We don't expect a cancer patient to recover from sheer motivation! Same is true for mental health issues.


How many more more lives will be lost before we as a society will begin this conversation?


The blog I wrote when CCD founder V.G. Siddharth passed away, still seems relevant!
So heart breaking. 💔

http://sharmaswati666.blogspot.com/2019/07/modern-story-of-shiddhartha.html?m=1

Green Thumb or just good sense?

In this blog post, I am sharing my experiences of taking care of houseplants over last couple of years. I started with about a dozen houseplants and now I have over 100 houseplants in my 2000 sq ft flat.

I have come a long way in terms of learning how to take care of various houseplants and since some of my friends and close family members asked me about the issues with their houseplants (wilting, not growing fast enough, brown leaves etc.), I have decided to write this blog.

The information provided in this blog has been gathered by me from various local gardeners, houseplant owners and horticulturists.

So without further adieu let me begin with the top five common mistakes which I had made initially, and which typically happen with other houseplant owners too:

1. Over-watering 

This is by far the most typical error when it comes to houseplants. Based on what we have seen in gardens, we tend to think that houseplants too need water daily. But the truth is that potted plants cannot absorb the extra water and their roots begin to rot slowly, resulting in killing the plants. Typical water clogging signs that  your plant shows are brown tips, lighter shade of leaves, drooping leaves and ultimately, complete wilting.

We need to water potted plants when the soil feels dry. Before watering the plant, check the soil with the finger, if the soil seems cool or moist, you need to wait before watering it again. 

Typically succulents like Aloe Vera and cactus need less water whereas tropical plants like Arrowhead and Pothos (money-plant) need more frequent watering. 

This pic demonstrates the signs and effects of over-watering and under-watering:

During Indian summer months, some houseplants can need water daily but do not flood the pot, preferably use a watering can or a small cup to water.

If you want to learn more about how to check the soil and whether it is ready for watering or not, please watch this video by a horticulturist who has been taking care of indoor potted plants for over 30 years:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YBBh0RPPqu0&list=LLaojSoypq6ygSNzP4e4q2PQ&index=30&t=0s

2. High salinity in water 

Another common error which houseplant owners make is that they use tap water for watering the plants. The high salt content in the water gets deposited in the soil over a period of time and most plants cannot grow well in such high saline conditions. 

They begin to show signs of salt stress such as brown tips or spots on the leaves, as shown in the picture below:

In my personal experience using filtered drinking water from RO or Aquaguard has worked quite well.  

3. Wrong light 

Horticulturists have divided the houseplants into 3 categories based on the kind of light/shade they need - bright, medium and low light plants. 

Bright light area is considered that part of the house where the light is good enough to read. Medium light areas are the ones where we can read but not without straining the eyes, Lastly, low light area is that part of the house where it is extremely difficult to read (for example bathrooms). It stands to reason that bright light areas are suitable for bright light plants and so on and so forth.

Therefore, when buying plants, do a background research about the light requirement of the plant and keep it at a spot where it can thrive under the appropriate light. 

For example, Pothos (money plant) and snake plant can thrive in low to medium light whereas Areca Palm and Song of India plant need bright light to thrive.

The plants which have been exposed to wrong light begin to show signs as a cry of help. Scorched or burnt (brown) leaf tips is the most common sign of a plant being kept in too bright light/direct sunlight. Conversely, some plants' variegated leaves (green, golden, white) may turn completely green as they need more chlorophyll to compensate the less light. Therefore if you notice your Golden Pothos' leaves loosing their variegation, it means it needs to be kept in a brighter spot.

The following picture shows the leaves loosing their variegation:

4. Not removing dead leaves

When we let the dead leaves fall in the pot soil thinking that it will ultimately end up being used by the plant, we give invitation to infection. The dead leaves rot in the soil and the frequent watering gives the fungus and various bacteria a chance to make it a host and consequently it effects the plant root and branches. 

To avert this vicious cycle, it is necessary to remove all the dead/fallen leaves from the pot.
Following two pictures demonstrate the signs which the leaves might show if the plants has a fungal or bacterial infection:

5. Fertilizer 

Providing too much or too less fertilizer to a plant also results in plant issues, ultimately causing dead plants. When we use too much fertilizer, the plant cannot absorb water as well as they can, and begin to have brown tips, yellowing of leaves, wilting and stunted growth. 

Each plant has it's own requirement for fertilizers, hence it is best to check about the same with the gardener at the nursery from where you are buying your plants. There is also a season when some plants need more fertilizer, specially the flowering plants or kitchen garden plants. 

Following are two examples of fertilizer burn on the leaves:

Thus, while we need to understand that the potted plants/houseplants need extra care than the plants in the garden/earth, but that extra care does not necessarily mean watering daily, it means getting in tune with the specific light/water requirement of that particular plant. 

So the next time you go to buy a plant, do a little research regarding what kind of soil, watering, fertilizer is best suited for that plant.

It is more about common sense and right information than having the proverbial green thumb when it comes to nurturing the houseplants. It might take a bit of getting used to, but let me assure you, it will be completely worth the time and effort you will invest.

As the famous historian Jenny Uglow had said, 

"We may think we are nurturing our garden, but of course, it's our garden that is really nurturing us."

Every new leaf, every new bud - brings great satisfaction and delight to one's heart. 

I will end this blog post by sharing some of the pictures of my houseplants for you to feast your eyes! 

Happy gardening :)

Areca Palm

Areca Palm and Spider Plant

Pothos (Moneyplant)

Arrowhead Plant

Aloe Vera

Lemongrass

Modern Story of Siddhartha

This is the story of modern Siddhartha - Late Shri V. G. Siddhartha – the man who owned Asia's single-largest coffee estate, the man who built India's largest Coffee chain Cafe Coffee Day, who ran a company which was the biggest exporter of green coffee in the nation.  He has been hailed as one of the most successful entrepreneurs of his generation in our country.

V. G. Siddhartha

He dreamed big, since childhood, he wanted to become 'super rich'. And he did succeed. He was conditioned for hard-work and success;and his business acumen took him to new heights. As far as outside appearances went, his life was enviable in the eyes of most Indian youngsters who share his aspirations of acquiring respect through great wealth.

But his end, his unexpected suicide, has shocked and saddened the entire country to the core. How does one explain what lead a successful billionaire to such a tragic end?

Few facts about his entrepreneurship acumen and his success story:

V. G. Siddhartha established a successful coffee business in Karnataka. He grew coffee in Chikmagalur, exported about 28,000 tonnes of coffee annually and sold another 2,000 tonnes locally for about Rs 350 million each year.

His coffee growing and trading company, Amalgamated Bean Company (ABC), has an annual turnover of Rs 25 billion. Siddhartha had 200 exclusive retail outlets selling his brand of Coffee Day powder all over South India.

ABC is also India's largest exporter of green coffee.

With his 12,000 acres of coffee plantations as foundation, he bought an ailing coffee curing unit in Hassan for Rs 40 million and turned it around, building it into a company which has a curing capacity of 75,000 tonnes - the largest in the country.

He was the first entrepreneur in Karnataka to set up a café in 1996 - Café Coffee Day, popularly known as CCD - a chain of "youth hangout" coffee parlors.

Today, there are over 1550 CCD Cafes in India, across 209 town/cities, attracting at least 40,000 to 50,000 visitors a week. CCD has become India's largest and premier retail chain of cafes.

Now, here are some more facts:

This man was suffering from unbearable emotional and psychological issues.

This man did not get the help he needed, and was in so much pain that embracing death seemed to be his only resort. Indeed, like most men in our society, seeking help was more deplorable than taking his own life.

This man who had all the possible resources available to him, could not bear to face failure and financial losses. 

Financial troubles and constant harassment from Lenders/Income Tax department were triggers enough for this man to succumb to suicidal thoughts.

In a letter purportedly written by Siddhartha to the directors of Coffee Day Enterprises, a company he founded, he 'apologised' for letting down people and cited pressure from private equity investors and harassment by tax authorities.

                                                 V. G. Siddhartha's fateful last letter

Different explanations of his suicide are being given by various people. Some are calling it the failure of political/economic system who could not save a brilliant businessman from perils of money-lending and harassment of Income Tax Department. This 'tax terrorism' is indeed deemed as a new peril for Indian entrepreneurs.

Then there are Industry leaders who feel that post demonetisation and GST there has been a huge impact on businesses, especially small enterprises. They think that government needs to engage with businesses and look at how they need to tackle India Inc.’s fiscal health.

Ananya Srivastava from firstpost.com opines that Siddhartha was one of the 'leaders who fell prey to high-pressure job'. Shrija Agrawal from livemint.com writes that his death exposes the dark side of entrepreneurship, ending her op-ed saying, ‘entrepreneurship while highly rewarding is not for everyone…’ 

Indeed suicide is almost always a multi-faceted issue with many factors which need to be looked at, but when will we, as a country, begin to talk seriously about men's mental health? How many more innocent lives are to be lost before this becomes a topic of public discourse? 

According to National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB 2015), 133,623 suicides in India were reported, of which 91,528 (68%) were by men. This means almost 70% of all suicides deaths in India were of male.

In fact this trend is a global one, in most countries, men are 3 times more likely to die by suicide than women. 
Moreover, this pattern goes back a long way. For as long as psychologists have been recording it, they have seen this gender disparity.

Why are these statistics not staggering enough for us to take note? 

The NCRB data classifies reasons for suicides as family issues, debt, unemployment, etc, but it fails to identify the structural drivers which lead men to take such a drastic step. 

Across cultures, all societies have encouraged men to be 'strong' and definition of strong is 'not to admit' that they’re struggling.

We mindlessly tell our sons, 'boys don't cry'. We condition boys from a very young age to not express emotion, because to express emotion is to be 'weak'. This gender bias has to change. 

                Boys Don't Cry - unrealistic and biased standards like these need to change 

It is time to ask questions such as what can be done to help men suffering from mental health issues; how do we create platforms where men can seek help without feeling ashamed.

This modern day Siddhartha needs to know that it is okay to fail, that there is nothing unmanly in asking for emotional help, that it is not weakness to cry or to share one's feelings. Mental Health, especially among men is an issue which needs to be addressed in all public debates and discussions. 

This modern day Siddhartha needs support and understanding in his journey to success and failure.

More awareness needs to be created, we need to save our sons, our brothers, our fathers, our friends, our colleagues - who have long been suffering in silence.